Everyone’s been there—you’re sharing a story or venting a little about a problem, only to be interrupted with someone’s “well-meaning” advice. It’s one of those interactions that can feel grating, and often it’s hard to pinpoint exactly why. So, why is unsolicited advice so annoying?
It Can Feel Dismissive
When someone jumps in with advice, it often sidesteps the point of why we shared in the first place. In short, they've taken their turn too early. Often, people just want to be heard or validated, not “fixed.” Unsolicited advice can come across as a dismissal of our feelings or experiences, especially if the person giving it seems to assume they know better without fully understanding the situation.
It Undermines Confidence When we’re given advice we didn’t ask for, it can subtly imply that we’re not handling things as well as we should or that our approach is inadequate. This assumption can feel belittling, especially if we’re already feeling vulnerable or uncertain. Over time, this type of feedback can start to erode confidence, making us second-guess our instincts and decisions.
It Creates Unwanted Pressure Advice often comes with a perceived expectation to act on it. Even if the advice isn’t good or relevant, the social dynamic can make it uncomfortable to reject it outright. This can leave us feeling pressured to comply with a solution we didn’t choose or didn’t want, which feels intrusive and even a bit manipulative.
It’s Often Rooted in Assumptions Unsolicited advice frequently comes from a place of assumption—assuming we haven’t already thought of it, tried it, or ruled it out. These assumptions can be irritating because they can be perceived as a lack of respect for our autonomy and problem-solving ability. Even with good intentions, advice rooted in incomplete understanding can feel inconsiderate.
So, how can you respond without escalating things? Here are a few options to redirect the conversation gracefully:
Non-committal Acknowledgement and Pivot: “Well, that's something to consider in the future! Right now, I’m just looking for a listening ear, though.”
Redirect to Validate Your Ideas: “Thanks! I actually have some ideas I’m considering, I just wanted to talk it out first.”
Assert Your Boundary: “I’ll definitely let you know if I need suggestions! For now, it really helps me to just share.”
Ultimately, being forward-thinking about our needs can keep these interactions from becoming frustrations. A good approach might be to start by mentioning that you’re not looking for suggestions. And for those who like to offer advice: sometimes the best support we can give is just to listen.
Comments